How to get kids (and adults) to remember things

Ever wonder if your kids TRULY hear you?

Ever wonder HOW to get them to listen or make the correct choice?

We all have this problem. Kids as well as adults. We hear but don’t listen. Our brains process only part of what is said to us.

I learned years ago, when the kids were much younger, how to put things in a positive light, a way to better get results, for myself and my kids. 

This works for you as an adult as well as for your kids. For example:

Instead of “don’t forget”, simply say “remember”. The mind will remember and makes it more actionable. The “don’t forget” is processed like this…the mind drops the “don’t” so all that’s left is “forget”. An example I found recently was “Don’t think of a pink elephant”. 

What’s the first thing you thought of? A pink elephant. Then your brain has to NOT do something which is much harder and a negative connotation. 

If I say “don’t forget your books” 9 times out of 10 the books remain at home and not at school where they belong.

If I say “remember to take your books” that is more of a command or request which gets handled much more often.

Other ways to put a positive, remembering type of request:

“Remember to tie your shoe.”

“I need to remember to add grapes to the shopping list.”

For kids, this can be a type of redirection as well.

“Please do XYZ” …rather than “don’t do XYZ”. Especially for a child. Again, “don’t” is a negative word. Negative words bring up negative meanings. While they may comply with “don’t do XYZ”, it’s better to tell them what they CAN do. Again, the positive reinforcement. Plus they’ll do what is allowed.

Along those lines, be concrete (esp. for younger kiddos) as to what they can do. For example: Little Joey is playing with a stick in very close proximity to his even younger sister. You yell…”don’t play with the stick so close to your sister”. Depending on Joey’s age, he may not understand if you want him to stop playing with the stick or if it’s ok to play with the stick but further away from the sibling. He may move further away but your intention was to get him to stop playing with the stick. Next time, tell him what he CAN do (another positive spin on things). Choices go very far with kids. He can play with the stick over there by the rock OR he can play in the sandbox near his sibling. Then he feels he is in control of something in his life.

I have 3 kids, mostly all grown. I have been through more parenting classes, psych sessions, therapy etc. than I care to acknowledge because of one of my kids. I am not a doctor, I am not a licensed therapist, these are simply nuggets of info that I would like to pass along from my experiences.